A Backwards World

Someone asked me recently if I knew how different it was in a left-handed world and if I ever realized how many things were backwards or different for lefthanded people. I have to admit I never thought about. I mean all you’re doing is using the other hand. Did you know only abut 10% of the population is lefthanded? I even read that until the early 60’s, teachers tried to force kids to use their right hands. Now they have discovered this causes learning disabilities as lefthanders really do us a different area of their brain. After looking into this, I decided I’d try 3 days as a lefthander and see if it really affected daily life. You’d be surprised how many little things it changes or makes difficult. Below are some I encountered daily. I’m sure there area lot more I never thought of.

Spiral notebooks. I journal in them all the time and using my left hand was quite uncomfortable as it lays across the metal binding. Even writing left handed wasn’t just about your writing skills. I realized because we write left to right, my hand tended to smear the ink as I wrote across the page. However, now I understand why a co-workers check marks are always going the wrong way.

Can openers. Those things are a bitch to use if you are lefthanded as you’re forced to do it right handed. How about measuring cups and coffee pots. The markings are on the wrong side if you use left handed. And all those cute coffee mugs with cartoons on them. Lefthanded people can’t read them while drinking as they are on the back.

Then there were little things I wonder if even lefthanded people notice anymore. Swiping a credit card. It’s really off using your lefthanded. The zipper on my jeans was difficult because the flap of the pants is on the left side. Buttons on your phone and camera are designed for right handed people so are on the right hand side. Hell I never even noticed if your lefthanded the doorknobs are on the wrong side. Then there’s the number pad on a keyboard, the mouse buttons are wrong and buying a special (and I’m sure much more expensive) guitar if you’re lefthanded.

Sitting at the dinner table. I needed to decide where the “left handed seat” was so I wasn’t hitting someone else’s elbow. Using those attached pens at the bank this week. What the hell. That was nearly impossible because the chain was so short. I asked a friend that’s a golf pro about lefthanded people golfing. He said it’s all backwards to him and he can’t see the swing in his mind.

Crap I just stopped to measure something while writing this and realized my damn tape measure is upside down if you’re lefthanded. It really is a different world. Here is one little tidbit I ran across researching lefthanded people. Talk about insanity. “When Joan of Arc was burned at the stake, depictions showed her as being left-handed, in order to appear more evil. Left-handers were also harshly discriminated against during the 18th and 19th centuries, and it was often “beaten out” of them”.

And my favorite – guns. The ejection side of guns are on the left hand side. That’s a pain in the ass if your left hand is there. Many guns even today don’t have ambidextrous controls so the magazine and/or slide release can’t be used by lefties without changing the gun to the other hand.

So next time you run across a lefthanded friend buy them a drink and congratulate them on coping in your right handed world.

Peace out my lefty friends. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com).

PS – A friend told me the hardest thing he’d encountered being lefthanded were those freaking chairs in school that had the desk attached. Try writhing on that lefthanded.

Stop Blaming Those Pagans For Halloween

I won’t deny that Halloween likely started hundreds of years ago as a pagan holiday. But, let’s be realistic, those devil worshiping people have some freaky, downright insane practices and handing out candy isn’t one of them. I can’t picture Satan saying if you love me and want to worship me, go to houses and beg for candy. That may be why it was called All Hallow’s Eve, not halloween. I firmly believe our version of halloween was invented y dentist or pedophiles.

Dentist love halloween. Look what all that candy does to teeth. What better way to sound like a responsible medical provider that encourages your patients to take excellent care of their teeth then once a year have a holiday that gives away tons of free candy that lasts the kids for weeks.

Then you have pedophiles. We tell our kids not to talk to or take candy from strangers then have them dress them up in silly costumes and knock on every door in the neighborhood asking for candy. As parents we make no effort to even see the person handing out the candy or bother to look at what the kids got. And it’s not even neighbors we know. We drive our kids to other neighborhoods where we don’t know a single person for no reason other than they might get better candy. Come on, when you were 6 was there any bad candy?

We won’t let our kids walk to a bus stop 50 feet away. We won’t let our kids walk to school. Kids aren’t allowed to play outside alone. Yet we send them to collect $7.00 worth of candy from dentists and/or pedophiles. Parents wake up. We don’t live in a time where sending kids to strangers houses is in any way a good idea. Maybe Slightly is too old cause this world makes no sense to me anymore.

Peace out fellow ghouls. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Now You’re Just Making Shit Up

Unfortunately, Slightly isn’t a stranger to being pulled over by the police for traffic issues. I am not one of those that screams, gets mad, shouts racism, etc. I have the utmost respect for law enforcement officers (LEO). They do a job for very poor pay that no one else wants. Trust me, short of Jesus Christ, there is no one else gonna jump in to stop someone with a gun that’s looking for you, not him.

That being said, sometimes Slightly has to laugh at the things I hear people are stopped for. I’ve had my share of encounters but it’s just your run of the mill and assorted other boring things better left untalked about. Until today. Today it all changed.

Today as I sat at a red light I didn’t fail to notice the officer behind me but like most, I don’t panic as Slightly is a law abiding citizen. So, imagine my surprise when seconds after I started going his lights came on. I assumed he needed to get past me so I pulled over as close as I could to the curb. He did the same so I assumed he wanted to have a conversation. As he came to the window he asked “do you know why I pulled you over”. Now Slightly doesn’t offer unnecessary information so avoiding the urge to say too much free time, I said no.

He looks at me and I kid you not, he says “you left that light too aggressively”. It’s rare I am at a loss for smart ass response (hence this blog) but I had nothing. I sat there with a blank look on my face. I finally said “are you serious, did I squeel my tires, swerve, or what because I didn’t hear any tires and I couldn’t be speeding because the speed limit is 60 and I literally went half a block before your lights came on”.

He went on to explain that the cars behind me hadn’t even left the intersection and I was a block away. I explained I couldn’t be responsible for poor driving on their part. And here is the part I love. He explained that he was “gonna be a good guy and just give me a verbal warning”. I couldn’t help myself. I immediately opened my mouth and said “are you just screwing with me?” He said he was not and that I should make an effort to drive more cautiously in the future.

Come on LEO’s. I know you hesitated to write a lot of tickets last year for fear of approaching cars of people with Covid, but now you are just making shit up. What the hell is leaving a light too aggressively? Is that a check mark on the ticket or do you have to fill in the blank? Again with my upmost respect, if you need the revenue or to fill a quota, at least come up with something that doesn’t sound like pure bullshit. In the end at least I just got a warning. Good thing, cause I’m not sure how I’d dispute that one in court.

Peace out fellow drivers and LEO’s be safe and know you’re appreciated. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Why Do I Think of These Things?

Last week I watched my neighbor put in a new deck and it started me thinking, maybe I need to update my front porch? Maybe it could stand some updating. So while I was thinking about that I get this hilarious idea and I’m pretty sure I’m going to do it.

Ever heard of people burying time capsules? I got one better. I will likely be dead and buried by the time my “time capsule” comes to light but it will still be insanely funny, if not downright creepy.

Where can I get a lifelike skeleton? I’m going to bury a life size, realistic skeleton under my new porch. Picture it. 10-20 even 30 years from now some investor, new owner etc. will buy my house and decide it needs some updating. They’ll remove that porch and stir up some dirt and suddenly find Mary. I’m going to name her Mary only because one of my sisters has an old bracelet with a M on it and I’m going to put it on her arm. I think I’ll be making a trip to Goodwill for clothing. Anyone know how long it takes a dress to rot under a porch? You can’t Google that shit without getting in on a watch list.

Next up I need one of those places that prints what looks like a newspaper with funny shit on it. I’m going to have them print an article about me and my missing wife. It can go one about how I was found innocent because they never found a body. I’ll leave it in a crack of a wall or or the attic. Some place they’ll need to check out when they move in. Maybe years after that before they find Mary but one day someone will move that porch. My current one is about 15 years old so you knows when the new one will need replacing.

Feel free to try this for yourself. Just in case you’re still alive when it’s found, save that skeleton receipt.

Peace out fellow renovators. Signed Slightly. (signedslightly@gmail.com)

A Generation in Peril

You’d think that was an overstatement or me just being dramatic, but I think I might be serious this time. Have you met Gen Z? We have to be raising the laziest, dumbest, and most dependent generation our culture has ever encountered.

Don’t get me wrong. There are some among them that might survive a crisis but it won’t be many. First we had a generation that needed coloring books and “safe” places to recover from election results. Did you know in states like Colorado and Montana many Gen Z don’t vote because elections are during the winter and they don’t wanna miss time on the ski slopes? We have a generation that explains life thru and is addicted to memes. Any crisis you hear of has a meme 10 minutes later. If they see it on Tik Tok they’ll try it no matter how dumb it is.

And how did we get this lazy? Have you seen kids going to school lately? When I was a kid we walked to school or took a bus. No this isn’t I walked 10 miles in the snow story, but I did walk 1.8 miles to school daily because buses only picked up kids that lived 2 miles or more way. Kids nowadays can’t even walk to a bus stop. I watched one bus this week stop at 11 driveways in a 2 miles stretch of road, many being less than 50 feet from the last one.

I said to one young kid last night, can’t you just walk to the next drive way. He told me it’s not his fault and you really shouldn’t use the word can’t. I’m like WTF does that mean. Get this. He says, and I quote, “it’s not that I can’t but I didn’t inherit the ability to can”. Are we now blaming his parents for him inheriting a dumbass gene? Who the hell is teaching kids in school? That is another excuse for laziness, stupidity and a failure to give a shit.

Shape up Gen Z or this country is in a world of shit. Peace out fellow baby boomers. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

What Do Non-Smokers And Dieters Have In Common?

That may seem like a strange question to you but believe it or not, they have a main issue in common. Have you noticed every non-smoker you meet will tell you how they hate cigarette smoke, how it’s killing you and them via second hand smoke. Never was hurting anyone until they quit and well obviously since they quit, everyone can and should.

The newest ones I find annoying are the dieters. They lose a few pounds and hit the gym. Every comment after that turns into “if I can make time for the gym then anyone can”. Well you never had time before and I’m calling bullshit. Not to mention, not everyone wants to go to the germ and sweat infested smelly gym.

Look at single people. They work, take out trash, feed and play with the kids if any, clean the house, do the laundry, feed the pets, bathe the kids and or pets, mow the yard, cook dinner, clean up the mess and then if they are lucky, they get to shower by 11pm and do it all over tomorrow. Married people also have homes usually with kids, dogs, cats, laundry, cars to wash, grass to cut, repairs to keep up on, yards to mow, kids to little league, dance class and so many things I can’t begin to mention.

These new gym rats say you have to make the time. Ok, do you cancel time with your kids, don’t walk or feed the dog, leave the chores undone or tell your spouse to do more? Because you have the time to add more to your life, stop assuming everyone does. Because you choose to suddenly ignore chores around the house or spend less time on someone or something than you did before, doesn’t mean we all make that choice.

Stop shaming people with “if I can make time anyone can”. Obviously you have less to do than they do or they choose to spend that time on something more important to them. People need to shut the hell up and just worry about yourself. Stop going on social media and claiming how amazing you are and how unmotivated everyone else is because they aren’t you or don’t share your desire to sit in puddles of someone else’s sweat or use nasty germ covered equipment. Ever look around a gym and see how many people sweat, cough, scratch their asses or adjust their nuts then touch shit. And you’re worried about Covid?

I don’t know about you but Slightly has a lot more things I’d rather be doing. There’s kinky sex with my honey, playing with my dog, buying a pet pig, keeping up my home, hell even cleaning up dog shit. I find that more entertaining. Stop telling me I need to make time for your life.

Peace out fellow couch potatoes. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Covid – Why Is No One Asking The Big Question?

After a couple of emails asking me to continue the blog, I realized maybe I do have other, if not fans at least readers, so maybe Slightly needs to stay a while.

So let me ask you, why isn’t anyone asking the big question on Covid?

Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe Covid is real and that it is killing thousands of people. I don’t believe the numbers the CDC is throwing out as I think it’s a lot of scare tactics. People are asking how did it spread so fast? How come almost 2 years later we are no closer to resolving it? Why is our government blowing the infection rate and death rate grossly out of proportion? There are lot of ways to answer all of that but still no one is asking the biggest question.

We’re told this disease some how got out of a research lab in China. China claims the US brought the virus to China during some military exercise. By the way the CHinese official that suggested that has since been fired and disappeared. Still no one is asking – WHY THE HELL WAS ANYONE DEVELOPING THIS VIRUS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Regardless of where it came from why was something like this in development? We had the same issue the the SARS virus. It “escaped” a lab an one one asked why it was being developed. Ebola and the Aids virus both originated from some obscure village in Africa and no one wonders about that? Well I’m going to give you my opinion. It’s population control and government control, plain and simple. I believe Aids was a test run that resulted in developing viruses with faster acting spread and deadlier results.

This “virus” has crippled the economy of country after country. This “virus” has put more Americans out of work and living on government money than any other time in our history. The government even came up with programs to pay you NOT to work which results in the closure of small businesses across the country. PEOPLE WAKE UP. The more you depend on the government to clothe and feed you, the more the government controls what you believe, what you think and what you’re allowed to do. Stay in line or those government paychecks stop.

They come up with vaccines and people jump to get them never asking about the risks. People line up to get vaccines with no info on how long they last then walk around thinking hey look this was all free. With our government nothing is free. You get free tests, free vaccines, hospitals get millions in federal dollars to treat Covid patients and no one asks why. The government (meaning the taxpayers) will even pay for your funeral up to $8-9,000 if you die of Covid. EVER HEAR OF BLOOD MONEY?

It’s when a person, company, government, etc. knows they caused a situation, intentionally or accidentally, and pays you to forget they caused it. All the while no one notices every time the government makes another major fuck up the news of Covid spirals again. You hear Covid numbers are dropping then Biden makes another major mistake or screws over the people and damn we have a new strain of Covid. No one but me finds this suspicious? No one is noticing this but Slightly? That is itself scares the hell out of me.

More than the government controlling you thru money, I think it has a lot to do with population control. One scientist that has since disappeared, claimed to be a federal employee and said her lab has been studying ways to control the population for decades. Ever hear about that government agency> Yeah me neither.

Has anyone noticed the people dying from Covid are the elderly, the frail, the sick and the ones with underlying health issues? Better brush up on your history books and quickly. There was another world leader in the 30’s that wanted to build a better race. Wanted to get rid of the sick, frail and anyone he deemed inferior. Are we headed there again? WAKE UP PEOPLE. If you think that couldn’t happen in the day and age or that couldn’t happen in the US, you’re stupid or naive.

Peace out fellow guinea pigs. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Good Bye and Good Night

I started this blog after talking to a friend and follower on another blog about the bizarre things that happen in life and usually on a daily basis or sometimes just crazy ideas we happened to encounter.

Each time something crazy happened, I had some insane thought or she’d email me a blog idea, I was excited to write about it and wait for her utterly true and usually very insightful comment. The highlight of each blog was waiting to see what she thought of the new one. You have likely seen her comments under the name J Hot.

J Hot passed away September 15, 2021 and I will forever miss her. She was my biggest fan. I’ve lost interest in continuing here as she’s not there to bounce ideas off of and cheer me on so I am closing my blog. I will leave what is here online for anyone that wanders across it to read and know what an inspiration she was.

Remember there will always be people in your life that suffer from LMC (see prior article) and will drive you to drink or kill them, one or the other. Each time this happens I will stop myself, ask what would J Hot do, and that will likely prompt me to wish them a happy life or say have a great day muffin. I will miss her emails.

Good bye and good night fellow Americans. Signed Slightly.

Menstrual Sponges

Well, this is a first for Slightly. A reader sent me an article and the title was so bizarre, I couldn’t help but read it. We all know Slightly will discuss nearly any subject so here we go. If you haven’t heard of these things, you are not alone.

Slightly isn’t ignorant to the inner workings of women’s bodies, but I will say I have never heard of menstrual sponges so I was intrigued. Ok, maybe a little creeped out is a better description. Apparently they are similar to a tampon ) yes I know what those are and what they are for) but they are washable and reusable. Hmmm, no?

But, before you go sticking these things up your vag, you must first decide if you want a sea sponge or a factory created sponge. Should I have use of these I will say, neither really appeals to me. I keep thinking about putting the sea sponge inside yourself and have to wonder, how well was it processed? Are you inserting sand up there as well? No matter what kinda kinky sex you like, sand is likely not in the plan. Your partner is gonna ask some serious questions next time your humping between the sheets and sand envelopes his manhood. Well he will after he stops screaming.

Now that my brain has pictured how you’ve managed to get this sponge up your crack, you will need to get it out. Bearing in mind I’m no expert, I’m thinking this isn’t something you should be doing in a public restroom unless you’re trying to create the look of a hideous crime scene. I’m picturing yanking the creature out and blood flowing like the Nile. Might I suggest you only do this in the privacy of your own bathroom and probably when no one might accidently open the door. This could cause a husband to stroke out or immediately dial 911, seriously. Then you need to wash it before reuse. Again, no.

I gotta say the whole idea sounds fishy to me, yes every possible pun intended. Ladies just buy a tampon or reusable pad. That innocent sea creature did nothing to you to deserve spending eternity stuffed up a twat.

Peace out. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Bizarre Things You See At Night

Someone asked me, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen while outside at night? I had a few things but I also reached out to some friends and was surprised by some of them. Thought I’d share a few just for fun.

I saw a person walking down the highway at night wearing a football helmet and a bathrobe. Even creepier was the time I happen to notice tiny hands clinging to the inside of a sewer grate. My first thought was WTF, It lives in my town. I then realized it was a raccoon. That was creepy.

I once found a dead body in a park. Well ok ,when the police came it was a man that passed out drunk on the sidewalk but initially I thought I’d found a dead body. There was the time I came down the road to our house, came over a small hill and damn near ran into a bull standing in the road at 2am. Since this was a very residential neighborhood, I had decided to give up drinking till the neighbor mentioned his bull getting out a few days later. Never knew he had cows.

My best yet was one we’ve seen a number of times. Once I would have thought poor bastard doesn’t have a car. Twice and I would have thought he must be moving but we’ve now seen him 5 times over the last couple of years and always at night. The guy rides down our street on a bicycle carrying a large flat screen tv. We’re talking at least 32 in. One day I wanna stop him and ask about the TV.

Friends had even weirder ones. One was walking about 10 pm. Man ran by him with a rifle, motioned him to be quiet and kept going down the sidewalk. Another passed a woman walking down he sidewalk wearing a white blouse and nothing else. No pants no panties, etc. He called the police and turns out she was sleep walking.

One friend told about walking home one evening and felt someone behind her. She turned quickly and thought she saw someone dart behind a tree. Stood there about 2 minutes and some man just casually walks out from behind the tree like it was normal. She ran the rest of the way home.

Another friend passed a man standing along the road fishing. Had his rod and reel and was casting and slowly reeling it back in. What made it strange is there was no water anywhere near him. One friend came home late one night and it was obvious someone sat on his porch , had a few beers and smoked a few cigarettes. I suggested likely a friend waited for him to get home but got tired and left. None of his friends smoke.

I saved the best for last. A friend in PA said they have a neighbor that comes out almost nightly after midnight, climbs the telephone pole at the end of their street and just watches the neighborhood for a few hours. They called and checked, he does not work for the power company. They haven’t called police as he seems harmless.

Peace out fellow watchers. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)