Parents and Shaming

Let me preface this article with, I have the upmost respect for the elderly and our seniors. I think most don’t come near being treated the way they should or respected the way they deserve. That being said, being elderly or a parent doesn’t give you license to be nasty, mean, cruel or whatever word fits your vocabulary.

As parents we all fail. Yes, shocking but we do. We will all have days our kids think we were assholes, we’re mean, unloving, etc. Your job as a parent is to do the best you can. Love your kid the best you can. Raise your kid the best way you see fit. Treat your child to respect people, be kind and raise them to be a responsible adult. Teach them to love God and treat others well. We hear all the time “it’s not your job to be their friend”. And that is true. But it’s also not your job to belittle and shame them. It’s not your job to make them feel bad about themselves. To feel anything short or loved and cared for.

I know there’s makeup, hairdo’s, clothes, etc. that all make us feel better about ourselves, but bottom line, we all look exactly as God planned us to look. How we act is learned and I can’t tolerate parents that teach kids to be mean, or feel ugly, fat, unloved. The list goes on and on. It’s time we called out these parents, grandparents, step-parents, that seem to believe I can shame my kid into being better, to work harder, be skinnier and so on. All you are doing is raising a miserable child. You’re creating an adult that feels like their worth is based on looks, money, clothes or whatever your gripe is. It’s time people put their foot down and demand you stop. It’s time someone asked you, do you know how you’re affecting that child now and as an adult? It’s time someone told you how mentally damaging you are. How badly you affect the mental health of your children. When you are dead and gone, they will still deal with the feelings of being unaccepted, not good enough. Even if no one else does, your parents are supposed to be the ones you can count to love you, for you.

Many think well, I’m old, I can say whatever I want. You can, but it doesn’t make it right. It just makes you an old bully instead of a kid. This world is hard enough to navigate without people that are supposed to love you telling you, dress nicer, put on some make up, your hair is terrible, you’re fat. IT NEEDS TO STOP.

I grew up with a parent that found fault in everything. I can’t recall ever hearing a kind or loving word from them. But MANY years later, I remember the ugly comments, the insulting words, the lose weight comments, the do better comments. If you have nothing of value to add to your child’s life, nothing positive or encouraging to speak into their lives, here’s an idea. JUST SHUT UP. Close your lips, stop flapping your gums, stifle yourself. However you need to hear it, just SHUT UP. I spent a lot of my life feeling terrible for kids that grew up in foster care, had absent parents and so forth but as I get older and meet more parents, I think some kids would have been better off had they not been around. Hate and nasty comments from people that are supposed to love us do more damage than bullies ever could.

If your life is so unhappy, so miserable that you need to tear down other people, especially your own children and grandchildren, use the time you’d normally spend making nasty comments to figure it out why you feel the need to do it. Work on what makes you unhappy. Spend a little time in your bible and learn that we are to love each other.

Stop the shaming fellow earth parents.

Signed Slightly.