TO SWALLOW OR NOT SWALLOW

Ok I have heard it all. As you know I scour the news looking for new and exciting things to chat with you about. I love you all and want to keep you informed. Well after today, you might be too informed.

So, I ran across an article about a 32 year old mother, I can’t believe she didn’t swallow them, who claims to have a new way to prevent contracting Covid 19. She adds sperm to her daily smoothies. I know half of you just said WTF, but seriously, I don’t make this shit up.

She claims it an easy, vegan way to add something healthy to her daily drinks. I’m not up on the newest nutritional things, but does her boyfriend have to be a vegetarian to get vegan sperm? What if he eats steak for dinner? Is there a waiting period like going in the water after swimming?

My favorite part is she says while she believes it’s best used fresh, they have a long distance relationship so she freezes it in ice cube trays. Wait, if she has a party does she have to mark the cubes plain ice and sperm ice? I sure as hell wouldn’t drink anything from her house, vegan or not.

For those of you not in a committed relationship or don’t have a man as understanding as hers, not to worry, she recommends asking a healthy friend to donate. This prompts me to ask, are there blood test involved? Are there certain food items they should skip if you’re asking for donations? These are all questions I can’t answer but here’s one I can. Don’t call me. Slightly doesn’t make sperm donations strangers, well outside of a drunken party that is, and in those instances, please read my blog on hand sanitizer.

Peace out fellow smoothie drinkers. Signed Slightly.

Thanks to our reader, CPA Dude for the title reference.

Published by Unknown

Better left unknown

One thought on “TO SWALLOW OR NOT SWALLOW

  1. I feel incredibly nauseated now! Where do I even start?…
    Does she realize the sperm would technically be vegetarian, as vegan items don’t come (didn’t intend that pun…but hilarious !) from animals. But really …is it vegetarian? I mean if combined with it’s other half it becomes a person ,…so doesn’t that make her cannibal ? Or cannibal-esque?
    Also.. it’s probably good she freezes it before consuming as sperm are incredible swimmers. Who knows how far those kids would go?! They can survive for up to a few days even. Gotta wonder if brushing and flossing would be enough to get them out of her teeth. Wonder if they just keep swimming all around her mouth, tongue, teeth, throat, tonsils , (u know the ones that made it to the stomach died in the stomach acid) just looking for that darn egg like it’s an Easter egg hunt and someone hid the golden gooses egg really well. Wonder if they are able to penetrate other tissue? Wonder what that tissue thinks….and if it feels violated?! Just commenting for a friend.
    Wonder if she thinks it’s detoxing her since sperm / spooge smells similar to Clorox. Go figure!
    Wonder if she off sets the salt content of the sperm with fruits in her smoothy?
    The questions r endless on this one…..as were the laughs!!!! Thanks Slightly !!!! I needed a good laugh!!!!!
    P.S.- had another thought …. In healthcare when get getting urine specimen you want a “clean catch”. So u let some pee start then put the specimen cup in the pee stream, so it’s a clean line of urine. I have to wonder if she’s having her boyfriend do the same with his cuπ shot. I’d think she’d want high quality . Gotta wonder if he’s just gotta aim at each if those individual cube trays holes. Cause…that’s some aim there! That stuff can be flying at 50 mph!
    Oh my….the things that boggle the mind

    Like

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