Dumbest Things Parents Tell Kids

Someone asked me today, what’s the dumbest thing you ever told your kids? We all know Slightly doesn’t say dumb things, so I thought back to my parents. What things did they tell me growing up that I realize now not only made no sense, but were complete crap? I am sure there were more but 3 still stick with me even now. Those things you know are bullshit but still pop into your head.

Whenever I did something really shitty or was sorry I said something particular, my grandmother always said . . . . “Go to bed and you’ll feel better about it the morning”. What kinda of advice is that? Even today it makes as much sense. If I act like a douche or open my mouth and say something stupid, will going to sleep really make me feel better about it? I seriously doubt it. I’ll still be a douche.

Honesty is the best policy. This was my mother’s favorite and guess what, it’s bullshit. Honesty not only isn’t the best policy but sometimes it’s cruel and uncalled for. If your wife asks how she looks in a certain dress and you tell her it makes her ass look the size of a house, how is that the best policy? When you get out of the hospital, she’ll probably poison you. If your kid draws you a picture and you tell him it looks like something a psych ward patient drew, is that really the best policy? You likely scarred your kid for life. So while being an honest person is a good thing, teach your kids that honesty itself isn’t always the best response. You don’t wanna raise a little asshole that insults everyone. You know, like Slightly.

And my favorite – when you grow up you can be anything you want. Again bullshit. Not everyone can have the political instinct, savvy or corruption to be president. If you can’t afford an excellent education or get grants, loans etc, you can’t grow up to be a doctor, lawyer, CPA, chiropractor, etc. Not only money but mental capacity limits us to what we can grow up to be. Telling a kid they can achieve whatever job they want is the same as giving every kid a trophy at the soccer game. Don’t get me started on that screwed up bullshit.

In closing, stop lying to your kids. In life you win some and you lose some. So some basic advice . . . . if you act like a douche you can’t go to sleep and wake up feeling better about being a douche. Honesty isn’t the best policy or even called for if it hurts another person. And last but not least, we don’t all win, you can’t necessarily grow up to be whatever you want. Not everyone can be president or an astronaut. Strive to be the best at whatever is within your mental, emotional and financial capabilities to be.

Peace out and fellow questioners. Signed Slightly

Oh yeah, got some equally dumb advice from your parents? Feel free to share. signedslightly@gmail.com