I can’t be the only one that has insane things that I swear, my phone sends all by itself. You know what I’m talking about – the dreaded auto correct. I sent a text last night that said I was going to try to meditate before I go to bed and see if I sleep better. However my phone sent a text which read, I’m going to masturbate before I go to bed. Needless to say I got a text back from my child saying “why the hell would I want to know that?”. In an effort to correct it, I tried again saying no I said meditate. Of course my phone again decided on it’s own to change it to, no I said I was going to try menstruating. I am not sure but that was likely even more weird than I was going to masturbate. This got me to thinking so I reached out to some people and asked about weird messages and could I have some of their best examples. Not only did I get some hilarious ones, but I found out apparently everyone hates auto correct.
By the way. After talking to a friend that works for Google, I found it’s not actually auto correct. It’s called a predictive dialer system. It hears a word that it’s unsure of so it picks a more common word that sounds similar. Based on some of the replies I got from friends, I gotta wonder, who the hell programmed this predictive dialers vocabulary?
Here are some of best I heard:
A friend texted her brother about their dad’s birthday and suggested something for cooking which was apparently his newest hobby. However her text replaced cooking and she suggested her brother purchase their dad a cock ring. So how the hell is cock ring more common than cooking? Does anyone really use that in everyday conversations?
A friend texted his wife and didn’t realize he dialed wrong. He sent “text me when you get home and get the baby settled”. Imagine his surprise when the response was “I thought you had the baby”. Thankfully he didn’t have a stroke.
Another friend texted a Craigslist add and said “I saw you are selling your penis, can I take it for a test drive”. She never noticed the spelling till they responded “well I’m selling my prius but if you wanna ride me, I’m game”.
Another friend texted his friend and said “we need to do something about your ball sack it really stinks”. What he meant to type was basement but I’m not sure his friend ever believed him.
Then there is always that misspelled name that will leave you dumped or divorced. A co-worker messaged his girlfriend hey Baby but his phone changed it to Hey Abbey. Needless to say his girlfriends name isn’t Abbey. Wonder how he got past that one?
Got some good ones? Email me at email@example.com
Peace out fellow bad typers. Signed Slightly
PS – Found this on google rather than a friend but it was too funny not to include.