It’s very rare Slightly goes to the store, but sometimes it can’t be avoided. I’m not anti-shopping but I am anti assholes so I avoid the masses in places like Wal-Mart whenever I can. With my schedule it is just easier to buy online or pull in, pick up and go. No, I am not one of those Covid crazies, I have used these methods long before Covid was ever “invented”.
However, occasionally there comes a time when I do have to stop at a store once or twice a year because I need something and forgot to order it. Thankfully it is very rare especially with all this mask bullshit. This weekend was one of those occasions where I had to stop. I tell you, it was almost worth the annoyance.
I walked into Dollar General because I forgot dog food and it allows me to avoid Wallyworld while I wait for the Chewy delivery. As I walked in the clerk stopped ringing up a customer and yelled across the store – “excuse me you need to wear a mask”. Condemn me if you must but Slightly hasn’t worn a mask since this insanity started except for one hotel visit so I casually said “medical exemption” and walked on. Now I saw she wanted to ask but quickly decided not to, but I only made it about 3 feet before a woman (I’m sure her name was Karen), walked up to me and said what medical condition do you have that you can’t wear a mask? Of course 3 others stopped to hear the conversation. Normally Slightly would just walk away and ignore the ignorant woman but it had been a long day of dealing with unhappy people so I just as casually said oh wow, do you have breast implants? Her mouth fell open. Before she could respond I asked the guy standing next to her if he was being treated for penil disfunction or ED. I’m not going to lie, for a split second I thought he was going to punch me. As the lady opened her mouth I quickly said oh and do you get UTI’s from sex? One person that had stopped to listen when she initially approached me nearly had a heart attack trying not to laugh while the other stood there with his mouth hanging open.
The man with her finally recovered himself enough to ask, and I quote “what the fuck is wrong with you”. So I said, I’m sorry I thought we were having a personal discussion on medical and health issues and I was just curious if you had trouble getting or keeping an erection, especially with the size of her boobs. I will say I am Slightly (lol) amazed I didn’t get beat up in Dollar General. I think if we had not had a handful of on lookers laughing themselves silly, I probably would have but then that is why Slightly is always armed and dangerous. As I walked away, I heard him tell the woman this is why you need to mind your own damn business. That was good for another laugh itself but I think Slightly better avoid stores till this crap is over.
So people, mind your own business. If you are afraid of getting Covid stay home, wear a mask, hide from society. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel safe but PLEASE stop bothering the rest of us.
Peace out fellow annoyed Americans. Signed Slightly (firstname.lastname@example.org)
PS – have an idea for a blog post or want my opinion on a particular issue feel free to email me.