Why Do I Think of These Things?

Last week I watched my neighbor put in a new deck and it started me thinking, maybe I need to update my front porch? Maybe it could stand some updating. So while I was thinking about that I get this hilarious idea and I’m pretty sure I’m going to do it.

Ever heard of people burying time capsules? I got one better. I will likely be dead and buried by the time my “time capsule” comes to light but it will still be insanely funny, if not downright creepy.

Where can I get a lifelike skeleton? I’m going to bury a life size, realistic skeleton under my new porch. Picture it. 10-20 even 30 years from now some investor, new owner etc. will buy my house and decide it needs some updating. They’ll remove that porch and stir up some dirt and suddenly find Mary. I’m going to name her Mary only because one of my sisters has an old bracelet with a M on it and I’m going to put it on her arm. I think I’ll be making a trip to Goodwill for clothing. Anyone know how long it takes a dress to rot under a porch? You can’t Google that shit without getting in on a watch list.

Next up I need one of those places that prints what looks like a newspaper with funny shit on it. I’m going to have them print an article about me and my missing wife. It can go one about how I was found innocent because they never found a body. I’ll leave it in a crack of a wall or or the attic. Some place they’ll need to check out when they move in. Maybe years after that before they find Mary but one day someone will move that porch. My current one is about 15 years old so you knows when the new one will need replacing.

Feel free to try this for yourself. Just in case you’re still alive when it’s found, save that skeleton receipt.

Peace out fellow renovators. Signed Slightly. (signedslightly@gmail.com)