Can’t You Just Get up 5 Minutes Earlier

I see this so often that I had to mention it. It may seem a lot of my opinions center around other drivers, but I spend a lot of time on the road each day.

Women, I do not mean to single you out as I see men doing dumb things as well, but seriously, do you really need to get dressed in the car? I can’t count how many times in even a week I see women fixing their hair, putting on makeup, etc. Hell last week I passed a women who apparently got her hands on a battery operated curling iron as she was curling her hair each time we stopped at a traffic light.

I guess I could see lipstick, maybe even a spritz or perfume in the car but can’t you get up 5 minutes earlier to curl your hair, put on mascara, etc? What prompted me to write this was the lady sitting next to me at an unusually long traffic light. I happened to glance over and had to do a double take. She her left leg propped on the dash next to the steering wheel and was shaving her legs. Come on, seriously? GET UP 5 MINUTES EARLIER. I will admit I took the double take as I initially thought something completely different when I saw one leg propped up but I will skip over that as I am sure you can imagine on your own.

Men you don’t get off without a mention. You do not need to shave in the car, put on your tie while driving or the other dumb things you do as well. Especially you that I see quite often on a very busy interstate, you in the black Jag that drives with your knee as you eat a bowl of cereal at 75+ miles per hour. I don’t know your name but you win the prize. Idiot prize.

But seriously ladies, stop making people feel bad for blowing the horn at you because you’re in a car, stopped at a light, and don’t notice it changed to green because you’re focused on getting all pretty for work, school, etc. Just get up a minute or two earlier. And you Jaguar man, Eat an egg mcmuffin, cereal is not car food.

Peace out fellow over sleepers.

Signed Slightly.

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Millennials and Tampons

Ok while I’m not a tampon user, I am familiar with their purpose so imagine my surprise when I ran across an article warning millennials about using crocheted tampons.

I will not lie, I had to ask myself if this was a joke. They shocked me when they needed coloring books to overcome an election and are eating tide pods for entertainment, but seriously? Do they need to be told tampons are a disposable items? Who said one day, heck I can make one of those? Then do you tote around the dirty ones till you go home and wash them? I will admit, it has baffled m mind and left me seriously confused. and worried about our future generations.

These trends started me reading up on how the world has changed with millennials coming of age. The youngest millennial will be 24 in 2020 and the oldest 39. The things that interest them were amazing to read. I decided to share a few tidbits for each year. I hope your not as dumbfounded as I was.

First the new way to describe a millennial is racially diverse, economically stressed and politically liberal. They claim Instagram is their biggest inspiration and love to revive the 90’s fashion. That pretty much sums them up so here are those things you’ve always wanted to know.

2013 – The biggest trend was showing skin and paleo diets, the catch phrase was “get thristy” which stood for having sex and the most googled thing was grumpy cat memes.

2014 – Biggest trend was burrito bowls and booze popsciles and the most googled this year was Beyonce’s gender equality speech.

2015 – Biggest trend is avocado toast and the most googled was the issue of pay gaps and same sex marriage. Could they finally be interested in meaningful things?

2016 – Biggest trends were the moscow mule and cauliflower anything and the most googled was Hillary Clinton and liberal policies. Scary they are suddenly interested in politics.

2017 – Saw a trend towards canned wine and binge watching TV. The most googled thing was sex allegations against Harvey Weinstein.

2018 – This is scary – biggest trend was wearing bike shorts as formal wear (hello bike shorts?) and acai bowls. The most googled thing was the royal wedding.

2019 – As most of the world, the biggest trend was CDB additives. They were being added to everything from donuts to lattes and the most googled thing was the way to erase student debt that amounts to about 1.5 trillion dollars.

I can’t imagine what the millennial trend for 2020 will be but I had hopes in 2015 and 2016 when they started questioning pay gaps and watching the political trends. However they lost me again when the new google interest were the royal wedding, Harvey Weinstein and getting others to pay their school costs.

So hopefully I have given you a laugh for today and something interesting, or scary, to think about.

Peace out fellow earth boomers.

Signed Slightly.

PS – I am still struggling to understand and comprehend crocheted tampons.

Bizarre Laws

Being bored yesterday, I ran across an article about obscure or weird laws that, believe it or not, are still current laws in some states. After reading them I have to admit some make no sense. I’ve listed a few for you just for fun, and so you don’t get arrested traveling.

Alaska – you can be arrested for entering or staying in a bar drunk. Ok then.

Florida – this one I love. It is illegal for any bar owner to allow or participate in dwarf tossing contests. Really, is that a thing?

Idaho – they made cannibalism illegal with 14 years in prison, unless it’s a life threatening survival situation. Are they anticipating a zombie issue.

Kansas – no one can sell liquor in a glass. So you go to a bar and drink it from the bottle?

Minnesota – it’s illegal to have or participate in a greased pig contest. I bet the pigs are happy.

Mississippi – you can get 30 days in jail for cussing if 2 or more people are present. Damn good thing I don’t live in Mississippi

Virginia still makes it illegal to have sex unless you’re married and Nebraska says it’s illegal to marry if you have a sexually transmitted disease.

In MASS you can not play a partial or changed version of the Star Spangled Banner and in NY it’s illegal to be masked in public with other people. Makes you wonder how that law got started.

In Ohio all coal mines must provide adequate rolls of toilet paper for workers and in Indiana a liquor store can’t sell water unless it’s room temp.

AND HERE ARE MY PERSONAL FAVORITES:

New Mexico does not allow idiots to vote. While I’m sure they meant something else, this would change the entire election process if every state did this.

Texas doesn’t allow you to run for office unless you acknowledge a Supreme Being.

West Virginia allows you to hunt with dogs but prohibits hunting with ferrets. Do people actually hunt with ferrets? Maybe for ferrets?

And Rhode Island tops the list making it a 20 year sentence for biting off a person’s limb but only if it was done with the purpose of maiming them? Why else would you bite off a limb? They better hook up with Idaho on that cannibalism thing.

So stay safe and I suggest you look up the weird and bizarre laws that could get you arrested when traveling. As they say, ignorance of the law is no excuse. And watch your step in SC. Signs say speeding is a $200 fine and prison. No county jail for you. I don’t think I’d last long in prison when someone asked and I said I was in for speeding.

Peace out fellow law abiding citizens.

Signed Slightly.

Shit Happens. Let’s Talk About It

Toilets and toilet paper use changes so much across the world and we rarely think about it. I recently read an article on bidets and it got me wondering, how many people have never tried using one? Are they better for us than wiping paper across our butts hoping it’s clean.

But let’s talk paper, lol. Prior to toilet paper being invented what you used was basically based on your wealth or income. If you had money you used wool, hemp or lace. Lace I’m not so sure was that great feeling but compared to people that couldn’t afford to use that, it was likely top of the line. If you had no money you used dry leaves, sticks and, yes you’re reading this right, corn cobs. It hurt my butt just to type that but it beats walking around with a dirty ass I guess. Romans used to have public toilets where you walked up, did your business then wiped yourself with a sponge shared by everyone. Afterwards it was placed in a jar of vinegar which they assumed killed germs. Heck if you had money they had people that would wipe your butt for you. I’m thinking by the second person dipping that sponge, it was simply a jar of feces that had a splash of vinegar in it. As times progressed, people used the famous almanac and Sears catalog. Interesting tidbit, the almanac actually began adding a punched hole in their books which allowed people to hang them so they could read, wipe and toss each sheet.

Do you know that 70% of the world population doesn’t use toilet paper. I’ll skip past the ones that use their hands as it’s too gross to discuss, but the others use bidets. They are common in Italy, France and almost in every toilet in Asia. In the Philippines you don’t even get a toilet. They have steps over a removal system and you have to squat to use the bidet. They claim science shows it’s healthier to squat than sit and cleaner. unless you have bad knees and fall in of course.

So why do the English and Americans shy away from bidets? Well I asked myself the same question. From what I read, apparently the English custom of toilet paper simply passed along to Americans as they set up colonies here. In colonial times, bidets were mostly used in French whorehouses for the women to clean themselves between customers and the average person didn’t want anything in their home that was something you’d find in a brothel.

They claim that toilet paper is actually decimating the forests in Canada at an alarming rate. The average house uses 3-4 rolls of toilet paper per week. So brothels aside, I think I might install a bidet. I feel cleaner just thinking about it.

Peace out fellow poopers.

Signed Slightly.

The Lane Police. They Really Do Exist

If you’ve never met these people, consider yourself lucky. Other than people who don’t use blinkers, they are the most annoying, asshole drivers you will likely ever encounter.

They’re the drivers that get in the left lane or pull in front of you and drive exactly the speed limit or the infamous 4 miles over the speed limit but won’t let you pass. They decided the best speed for everyone and want to enforce it. If you happen to pass them, you will see they become highly annoyed. Even irate. They have decided this is how fast “I” think everyone should go. They will speed up, slow down, etc. just to prevent you from passing or going any faster. They have decided what the allowable speed should be for that lane.

I had to deal with the lane police this morning. I can thankfully say it ended fabulously. I was behind a driver that varied between 39 and 45, back and forth. Does that annoy you or is it just me? I mean pick a speed and drive it. Makes me crazy, but I digress. There was a local county sheriff behind me but since the posted speed was 55, I thought it would be ok to pass the other car. When passing we all watch the traffic not our speedometer but when I couldn’t seem to get around her, I glanced down and realized she had sped up to 70 mph. I slowed down and got back behind her assuming those blue lights would light up any minute. He didn’t light me up so that worked out well but the car in front of me is now back to 43 mph. Since there was no oncoming traffic, I decided to pass her. Again the same story, I look and I am at nearly 80 mph and she is right beside me so I can’t merge back over.

As you can guess the sheriff lights behind me lit up with that dreaded flashing blue and red lights that make you immediately wonder, how much is this going to cost me. Of course I immediately turned on my right blinker and pulled over. I will say I was a bit shocked when he flew right past me. However, I was so amazed when 2 blocks down the road there sits the other driver and the sheriff, that I actually pulled over behind them. He seemed a little put out that I got out of my car but I asked if I could know what she was being ticketed for. He started to tell me to get back in my car then asked, are you the driver that tried to pass her? Well to my surprise, there is a kind of new traffic law in Florida. Instead of reckless driving which carries a $250 fine he said she was being sited for “aggressive driving with the intent to cause an accident”. 3 points on your license and $500. I almost laughed out loud when I saw the look on her face when he said $500.

So moral of this story? There are no lane police. Really, no natter how much you want the job, it’s just an urban legend. So drive whatever speed makes you happy but remember, if you’re 10+ miles under the posted speed, you’re a traffic hazard. Drive the posted speed like the other cars or relax and let people that want to drive past you. Contrary to belief, they won’t hurt you, slow you down etc. They just want to get where they are going safely.

Peace out and drive safe.

Signed Slightly

Makes You Wonder, Doesn’t It?

Because I commute about and hour each way daily, I have become accustomed to seeing the odd thing or two laying on, or in the road. I’m sure we all have.

I’ve found dropped money, tools fallen off of trucks, ladders, water jugs and the almost famous, one shoe. Then there is the ever nasty used diaper. Yesterday I encountered a used tampon. This had to be a seriously nasty women to do this. How does it happen? The only plausible reason is you plucked it out in the car and tossed it out the window. Really how foul are you to toss out shit filled diapers and used tampons for someone else to clean up? What a wonderful human being you must be. I’ve always thought if you’d do this in public, your house must be incredibly nasty.

But other than that, do you ever stop and really wonder where these things came from or better yet how they got there or why no one picked them up?

If you dropped just one shoe wouldn’t you stop and pick it up? A friend mentioned finding a case of beer and full bottle of vodka. Ok that didn’t fall off a truck unnoticed and not break. I’ve passed full boxes of green peppers that obviously fell from trucks. I really thought over the years I’ve pretty much seen it all. Until last week that is. I wasn’t even going to write about it until today when I saw the even weirder thing.

So last week I spot not a thing, but a person. Yes we’ve all seen a person walking down the side of the road. We’ve likely all seen weirdly dressed or strange acting people walking down the side of the road. Friday during my commute, I was so stunned I actually turned around, went back and made sure I saw what I saw. Walking down the side of a MAJOR interstate was a man (or woman) wearing a full length bathrobe, slippers and a football helmet. Being 3-4 miles from the closest exit or entrance ramp why was no one slowing down or wondering where this person came from? I actually slowed and made a call to the local police department. Even they were shocked they hadn’t received any other calls and wanted to make sure I saw what I thought I saw. I did explain I circled back and yes it was correct. Hopefully they sent someone out.

Today is what made me write a post on baffling things found on the side of the road. A baby car seat. A very nice, in good condition car seat. Just sitting neatly about 6 inches from the lane of traffic. It wasn’t randomly tossed out laying there. It was placed there in an upright position, facing the road like it was waiting on the baby to come along and claim it. This has to make you wonder. Someone was obviously driving around with a baby seat. Did they suddenly decide they no longer needed it. Maybe they got a new one but why drive around with the old one and just place it next to the road. Since it’s odd to picture someone driving around with a baby seat, in good condition, and suddenly deciding to leave it on the road it made me wonder, where is that baby? Why doesn’t he or she need it all of a sudden? It was a rather disturbing thought that has stuck with me all day now.

PS – if you’re wondering, I did go back and make sure there was no child in that car seat.

So let me know what you’ve randomly found on the road that left you wondering.

Peace out fellow wonderers.

Signed Sightly.

What If Google Died?

I was at the vet yesterday and heard the customer explaining to the front desk that her cat was sick and she had looked it up on Google. I wondered how many times we hear that about different situations but didn’t give it a lot of thought.

Then I got up this morning. As usual I showered, shaved etc. then reached for my phone to check the morning news. Ok, let’s be honest here. I pulled up Facebook because that’s where most of us get our morning information.

Hmmm not loading. Then I pulled up the Google home page since it has news. Hmm not loading. Oh well off to work. As I was driving, I remembered I needed to call and make an appointment for later in the week. I pulled up Google and still nothing. No news page, no response to a search. Just nothing. After trying for about 15 minutes I realized, I can’t call until I get the phone number.

For some reason it reminded me of the cat lady yesterday. She used Google to look up info on her sick cat. I think how many times I’ve used Google to check info on my dogs medicine, side effects on my own drugs, phone numbers, definitions, etc. Is there anything we don’t use Google for? Heck without Google I can’t search my favorite blog. I’ll be honest, this is my favorite blog.

After 20 minutes of still nothing I started to panic. What if Google was dead?

There are no more phone books, dictionaries and encyclopedias are gone. Kids use it for school. We use it for work, we use it to communicate and look up nearly everything. If I have to call instead of text, how would I get the phone number? I’d have to actually talk to someone, like voice talking. I tried to picture college kids that had to do research with books like we did. Then I thought holy crap, if video games don’t work either kids will want to go outside. Damn they’ll get dirty or God forbid might drink out of a hose and die from some bizarre disease. Or worse yet, someone may actually get an eye poked out. You heard about it for years. It’s bound to happen eventually.

Would life as we know it stop? I don’t have an answer but I think the world would be in a massive state of panic. But panic aside, I do wonder if turning off Goggle for a few days might improve life. I drank from a hose, used a dictionary, called people instead of texting and hell I probably even ate lead paint and didn’t die. That last part might explain this blog though.

When I arrived at the office I thought I’d go ahead and check my email then remembered, no Google. I sat down, fired up the computer and apparently it was just my phone. Thank goodness, Google is alive and well.

Peace out my fellow internet addicts.

Signed Slightly.

BLINKERS. Let’s Readdress them

If you are too dumb to know when, where and how to use the blinkers that came free on your car, let’s face it, you are to stupid to be left home alone, let alone drive a car.

If you’re worried about using them up, stop. Auto Zone usually has blinker fluid on sale. If not, that little light bulb costs around $2.00. Hit me up and I’ll front you the money for a replacement. So use the blinker.

Peace out fellow blinker users.

Signed Slightly.

This Will Boggle Your Mind

I can’t be the only one that has these random, mind twisting thoughts that just pop into my head. Well at least I hope I’m not.

Have you ever stopped and realized, a different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you.

Think about that and the ramifications. Every person you meet will likely feel differently about you. Every person you meet, as they get to know you, will think differently about exactly what kind of person you are. The more they get to know you, that version will get better or worse. The scary part is how quickly that version can change.

Someone can meet you, see the good deeds you do and see you as one type of person. You can make one single comment or do one simple thing and that version of you completely changes in their minds. Sometimes good, sometimes bad but I’m sorry to say, usually for the worse.

What bothers me is how easily someone’s version of us can change based on nothing we did or said. Someone else can repeat gossip, claim you said or did something or comment what what type of person you are to them, and the other person’s version usually reflects that comment. It’s a shame because most times we never have the opportunity to challenge what someone said about us or what someone claimed we said or did. People are so quick to believe the negative.

How do we resolve this? Be the best version of you that you can be. Be happy with who you are. Don’t sweat what someone else’s version of you is.

Peace out to all your versions.

Signed Slightly.