Television Sucks

Ever notice that what you watch on TV is ever so slightly changing? Ever notice the small differences that I have no doubt are supposed to be subtle?

First it was interracial couples and families in movies and commercials. No issue. Marry who you like and stop worrying about the color of people’s skin. However, the new trend is along the same lines as my last blog. The whole gay, gender issue.

First it was 2 men drinking wine on the sofa talking about furniture and you assumed they were a couple. Subtle, yes. Now it’s in every other commercial. In 2019 companies pulled commercials and sometimes even shows with gay couples kissing but now it’s mainstream. I’m not talking about the commercials aimed at accepting gay relationships or commercials aimed at gay lifestyles. I’m talking about the ones that are for every day products but now use gay couples to depict family life so you see it as normal.

Campbell’s soup depicts 2 men raising their son. Cottonelle has a man worrying about whether his ass is clean enough to meet his partners parents. Coca Cola has a brother and sister both trying to get the gardener to notice them. Colgate uses it in a slogan of Smile with Pride. So wait, do gay people get whiter smiles than I do?

I want to go back to the days where the commercial was about getting me to buy something, not accept a lifestyle. I remember when all Campbells cared about was telling me that soup would warm me up enough to melt a snowman or when Coca Cola wanted to teach the world to sing. Back when Colgate only cared about tooth decay not gay pride smiles.

Last week I saw the newest Maybelline commercial. Yes I know what Maybelline is. They’ve sold cosmetics for a century and I don’t live in a cave. The new commercial has the usual women looking beautiful and ends with a young man in full beard who I assume is supposed to be wearing Maybelline.

It’s just one more way of trying to convince our newest generation something is natural. It may be why marriage is on the decline. Why so many women are choosing to live alone or raise children on their own. We have lost our sense of what makes men, men. You remember rugged Mr. Clean or Old Spice saying it’s what your man could smell like. The Gordon’s Fisherman or the man in the Camel commercials. They looked like you wanted your man to look like. Heck even Brawny put a manly man on your paper towels. I grew up wanting to be the Marlboro man.

Those days are gone. Now your man will carry a purse, smell better than you do and God forbid if you meet the just the the kind of right man, he may wanna borrow your shoes or panties.

This may be why Slightly doesn’t even have cable TV. We need to get back to the old days when men is suits sat around smoke filled offices (ok maybe leave out the cigarette smoke) and banged out ad campaigns. Yes I love that show Mad Men.

Peace out fellow manly men. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

This World Has Gone Completely to Shit

Let me preface this with I don’t care who, what or where you stick your dick or who or what licks your crotch, but telling me I have to accept it as natural behavior is never gonna happen. You were born with a penis or a vagina, period (no pun intended, I think).

If you have a penis and wanna hump men or have a vagina and wanna smack uglies with women, have at it. I am not homophobic or whatever the new term is, but will you convenience me it’s natural? Nope, no use trying. You want to claim you were born loving the same sex and maybe so. It’s not my place to judge you or decide if it’s morally correct or not. Hash that out with God when you get there. If you’re one of those people that are never gonna be on that side come judgement day anyway, then I guess it won’t matter either way.

Here is where I think it’s all nuts. If I accept your theory that you were born attracted to the same sex, it all falls apart. Cause now you’ll need to explain to me how it went so shitty after that. We have so many new terms but my favorite is non-binary. These people can “identify” as male, female, fluid (whatever that means) or neither. How the hell do you decide you are neither male or female? The newest thing now is signing your gender pronoun on your signature (he/him) so people know to address you as a man. Here’s the clicker, it still doesn’t tell you shit as I could be a women that prefers to be a man.

You can prefer to be whatever you want, but you are what the good Lord made you, nothing else. If you have a trouser snake and some swamp nuts and wanna wear a dress, a thong, and lipstick do it. Grab that sexy sequined cocktail dress, slap on that lipstick, paint your nails and show people how fabulous you are. If you have a beaver, a snapper, a punani or whatever word you like and want to wear pants, a hat, some Old Spice cologne, then why not. Make yourself look how you want. How you feel comfortable. Cause as much as you’ll hate to hear this, NO ONE GIVES A RAT’S ASS. NO ONE CARES HOW YOU LOOK. People are laughing because of how you act and the stupid shit you say, not how you dress.

But enough of the gender fluid, the gender non-binary, the questioning. You don’t want equality, you want special rights. You want to demand people look at you and say hey that’s natural but it’s not. But what it is, is how you choose to live. I am not a gay basher, I have gay and straight friends. In fact I have a friend I’ve known since high school and never knew she was gay. She isn’t in my face screaming I’m queer and you have to tell me it’s normal. She lives her life how she wants. Heck I even have a friend that was a man and is now a post surgery woman. He isn’t demanding anyone like it, he’s just living how he wants. You want to be treated as equal, then act equal. I am a lot older than most of you will ever guess and I have never felt the need to discuss my sexual preference with friends. I don’t have any that have demanded to know what sex I am or what sex I like to boink.

That my dear gay, bi-sexual, fluid, non-bianary people, it where you encounter so much backlash. You want to demand people look at you and say hey that’s natural but sorry it’s not and you can’t demand I accept it as so. Stop caring what I or anyone thinks. Live how you want.

You only go around once and if you do it right it’s, enough. Homosexual behavior and cross dressing has been around far longer than anyone reading this. You haven’t invented anything new you just wanna yell more about it. In fact, if you stopped talking about your sexual preference all the time it would likely never come up as an issue. Worried someone won’t hire you cause you’re gay well don’t discuss your sex life at work. Worried someone won’t rent you an apartment cause you’re non-binary, well again don’t discuss your sex life with strangers. In all my years not one employer, landlord, mortgage company, bank, etc. has ever asked “so Slightly, exactly what sex do you prefer to hump” or “hey Slightly, what gender are you”. And not once have I ever walked it and shouted it out and demanded they acknowledge it as normal. When I was young people didn’t walk around discussing their personal lives in public and that’s how it should be. It’s your business, don’t make it mine.

Damn, while writing this I realize I have thought up an entirely new gender. Do you know you could be a gay lesbian man? Think it through. If you were born a man but identify as a female and you’re bi-sexual so you date both men and women you can now sign your name as John Doe, Gay Lesbian Man. You’re welcome.

Peace out fellow gender specific Americans. And bring on the hate mail if you like.

Signed Slightly (him/her/canine/feline) – Signedslightly@gmail.com

The Hate Of The Day

We’ve all heard the flavor of the day. I think we have now embarked on the hate of the day.

I am so sick of catering to every issue to the extent that you’re supposed to be ashamed or feel bad because you’re white or get something special because you’re black or gay. I am sick of hearing black lives matter. No every life matters regardless of what color you are. Then we have black history month yet we tear down statues of white history. We have BET that I just recently found was Black Entertainment TV along with black entertainers award ceremony. Apparently it’s like the Oscar’s but you only qualify if you’re black. So what do you think would happen if we started WTV and white entertainers only award? I see crosses burning in the yard already.

While all of this wasn’t enough, we now have Asian history celebration along with new outcries about “stop the Asian hate”. Seriously? Hasn’t this shit gone on long enough? Aren’t Americans sick and tired of being told to stop hating this race or that ethnic group? Aren’t you tired of blaming one race for all your problems?

I have never woken up with a problem and blamed it on my color. I’ve never gotten into trouble and blamed it on my sexual preference or my religion. But then I am not parading in the streets screaming out my sexual preference. I’m not stopping my car for law enforcement and streaming foul language and names at law enforcement officers. I’m not demanding that America change it’s laws to cater to the country I hated so much I left.

How about this for a novel idea? If you live in America, you’re just American. If you prefer how it was in your Muslim country, how it was in your African country, how things were done in the middle east, etc. the solution is simple, move back there. If you hate how America does something, we have no laws that keep you here. If you can’t honor our flag and the people that have served or the people that have died defending it then pack a bag and get the hell out. There are plenty of countries that share your hate of America and you might even like one. Oh wait, I’m probably wrong about that. Those countries don’t give you the freedom to bitch and complain about hating them.

How about if we have celebrations and holidays that just promote stopping the hate period? Don’t tell people you have to love, like or tolerate someone based on anything other than the fact that they are a human being. Just stop the hate period.

Peace out fellow non-haters. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Why Does Anyone Want Breakfast In Bed

It seems to be the going thing for mother’s day, father’s day, hubby’s birthday, etc. But I have to ask, what’s the thrill of breakfast in bed?

You lay in bed farting half the night, copulating, procreating, bumping uglies, doing the horizontal tango or whatever you wanna call it, then sit there and eat? Hmm even when Slightly is humping on the kitchen table we can disinfect the table before I eat there again. Then comes tomorrow, you just ate in that bed now you go back and sleep in it? Does someone come change the linens between sex, breakfast and again before bed? More than likely the mess will be cleaned up by the woman eating the breakfast in bed.

Do you know how breakfast in bed started? It was a tradition for affluent men to eat in the dining or drawing room while his wife was served breakfast in bed by servants to enjoy a relaxing start of her day. Hmmm more like just being to damn lazy to get up and eat and men got to eat in peace.

I think Slightly will pass on eating where I fart and fornicate but thanks for the thought.

Peace out fellow bed eaters. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

The Dumbest Shit You’ll Ever Hear

I swear if you wanna hear some dumb shit, I mean just plain old stupid shit, talk to a 20 something. I keep telling myself they can’t possibly be as dumb as they seem, but comments I hear tell me I am overestimating their intelligence. These are just lately.

Someone texted me last week and said here’s my new number. Being the nice person I am and not wanting the correct person to miss the message, I texted back you have the wrong number. They actually responded is your number xxx to which I said yes and they said well then I have the right number. I’m still debating which one of us was wrong.

I saw a FB post the other day that said “I had no idea football had been around longer than our government”. Someone commented they were wrong to which they responded “well we’ve had more than 50 superbowls and only 46 presidents. I wanted to comment then realized I would be wasting my time because you’ve heard it a hundred times, you can’t fix stupid.

I read a post where 2 people were arguing about it being wrong to use the phrase Chinese virus. I had hope for the other guy when he said why, “it’s like Chinese food, it’s the region it came from”. Then I lost all hope when at some point in the argument he posted “well just bomb their Chinese asses like we did after their pearl harbor shit”. Again I could have pointed out that was Japan but why bother.

We picked up a phone by mistake so we looked up what was listed as Mom and sent a text saying “if you know who owns this phone please tell them I picked it up by mistake and to call me”. A text came back saying hey “Adam, someone found your phone”. Hmmmm I’ll let you think on that one.

Saw a text last week where a friends son texted his friend asking where’s my car, you promised to bring it back Friday. I thought the response was a joke but apparently not. He responded back “drove by your house twice and your car wasn’t there so I figured you weren’t home. Call me when you’re home”. Do not let people this dumb drive your car.

Peace out fellow boomers. Signed Slightly.

Have a blog idea or want to know my opinion on something, hit me up at signedslightly@gmail.com.

Insane Covid Bans

Well since I have gone current affairs instead of demented things I hear, I decided to do some research into the weird regulations and bans that have been put in place due to Covid. Once you read most you might think I’m gone back to humor but seriously, I verified all these. So here goes some of the best.

Spain has banned smoking in public places due to Covid. I hadn’t heard they now linked Covid to cigarettes. Why am I the last to know?

How many things during Covid have you worried about if you need to fly? Is the plane clean? How many people are squeezed in there? The air is recycled, etc. Well in Brazil it seems the President has bigger concerns. Pillows are now banned on all airline flights in Brazil. What the heck does he have against poor innocent pillows?

New Zeland lets you travel and come home but it will cost you. Upon returning home you must quarantine in a government monitored facility or hotel. I hope it’s a nice one because it runs $3,100 for the first adult, $950 for your spouse and $475 for each child. Hey, at least they feed you.

South Africa lifted their ban on alcohol which is good because they banned selling any shoes without closed toes and any short sleeve shirts unless worn with a jacket over them. You’re going to need a drink just to make sense of that one. It’s freaking hot in Africa.

Now here are my 3 favorites. First up is Russia. Here’s a country with roughly 42 million people and less than 3,000 cases of Covid 19. Yes you read that right. I assume Covid doesn’t like freezing weather and food shortage but the government says it’s because everyone is getting vaccinated and cannot leave home without a mask and gloves. Hmm I thought they determined Covid was airborne not on surfaces but hey, Russia knows best.

2nd Place goes to Illinois and Michigan. They banned dancing. I can’t say I found a viable reason for that but then nothing those whack job governors in Michigan and Ohio do seems to have even a logical reason.

And first place for the dumbest possible Covid suggestions is . . . . . drum roll . . . . New York. I bet that didn’t surprise a damn one of you. They have taken mask wearing to a whole new level. The health department there is encouraging use of them even during sex. They included this in their guidelines “. “Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face-to-face contact.” You can’t make that shit up.

To make matters more interesting, I guess Canada didn’t wanna be left out of weird so they were even more explicit. Their public service guidelines read “Use barriers, like walls (eg glory holes), that allow for sexual contact but prevent close face-to-face contact.” I kid you not.

By the way I know you’re thinking Slightly has gone mad and you’re gonna jump on google and check it out but please, don’t google “glory hole”. Some things you can’t un-see and likely don’t want to know about. It’s a hole in the wall of usually a public place so just use your imagination.

Peace out fellow fed up Americans. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Enough Bitching (hmm complaining) Already

Is it just me or are you sick and freaking tired of people bitching and complaining? I swear I think I hear it everywhere I go and about every possible subject.

Picking up my taxes today a man is complaining to his CPA about the taxes he owes. Please shut up. He didn’t set the tax rate. He didn’t rake in the dough all year and not pay in what you owed. Bottom line is everyone pays taxes. Don’t wanna pay taxes, have your address declared a sovereign state and don’t pay any. Just remember when your house catches on fire don’t dial 911 cause you didn’t pay any taxes to fund that fire department. Oh and you’ll need a ride to the store and work because you didn’t pay anything to put in or repair those roads.

This week I read an entire article just complaining about how bad the police are in their area because they questioned kids hanging around where there was a robbery. How they abuse their power and should be defunded. Well just remember, when your kid gets beat up or knifed for his tennis shoes, or your house is broken into and your wife beaten and attacked, don’t pick up that phone. You want those police defunded till shit happens to you. You dial 911 and scream someone is in your house and you expect they drop everything and show up. Next time you handle it. Shoot them, call the next of kin, bury them then hash out in the media and court if you were right. That’s what you expect the police to do.

Yesterday a lady in the dollar store was bitching about the quality of something to the cashier. First she didn’t make it and second, clam up you’re in a freaking dollar store. It cost a dollar even after paying import fees to ship here from China so figure it is worth maybe .10 cents.

I have a friend that every day I meet him my first thought is what’s he gonna bitch about today and in 10 years he has never failed to let me down. He always has a new topic that has pissed him off.

Every realize all the stupid shit people bitch about?

Free wifi is too slow. Phone solicitors. Slow mail. Traffic. Weather and my favorite is the toilet seat left up. People relax and take a break from bitching. You can’t change a damn thing about any of these so just shut up. Well, ok maybe the toilet seat left up but here’s an idea. Take about 3 seconds of your time, reach over and close it. In fact, women you know men need the seat up so why aren’t you returning it to that position when you leave? Oh and by the way, unless you walk on water quite complaining about typos, contrary to what you think, you aren’t perfect.

There is simply too much bitching in this world. I guarantee you could do virtually anything nice, kind, etc. and someone will find a reason to complain about it. Relax, you only live once and that’s enough if you do it right.

Peace out my fellow tired Americans. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Left Handed People

Being left handed has it’s challenges that’s for sure. The biggest one I see is at least once a week I hear, “Oh, you’re left handed”. Almost every time I want to say, no why or better yet, duhhh. This might be a little long but you’d be amazed at some of the differences.

Being lefthanded for several decades there are some things I just never notice much anymore. But, sometimes like today, I will hear again, are you left handed when people see you do something and reminds me that there is no doubt we live in a righthanded world. Thought I’d share some interesting things about being lefthanded that many people might not know.

First off stop asking, are you lefthanded. Do you know it’s a proven fact we hear that at least every 60 minutes over our lifetime. It’s obvious if I’m using my left hand that I’m lefthanded and it makes you sound like an idiot for asking. Do you know that less than 10% of the world population is lefthanded but almost 50% of dogs tend to favor using their left paw? I didn’t even know that one. Also seems we are prone to schizophrenic and alcoholic issues. This unfortunately explains a lot of my life.

Lefthanded people are more adaptable, especially in sports. Because we are used to being a minority we can more easily adapt to doing things differently. Apparently we are 20 times more prone to serious illness but how do they actually know that. Here’s a few more tidbits:

Being lefthanded comes from gene activity in your spinal cord not anything to do with your brain development.

Number pads on keyboards are impossible for lefthanded people to use correctly.

Can openers are impossible. Tape measures and butter knives are upside down and coffee cups are backwards for lefthanded people. Eating in a booth is nearly impossible for lefthanded people. We either bump elbows or bump the wall. Sit at a table though and even your own family will stop and debate what chair you need to sit in.

Remember the old school desk with the side table. Try using one of those lefthanded. It was a struggle for 12 years of school. Using a computer mouse is compromised as it’s designed for right handed people.

90% of guns have the magazine release button on the right side which is a huge deal if you’re lefthanded and finding a lefthanded holster is not easy.

Things I bet you never knew we pay a lot more for if something is made for lefthanded people: lefthanded scissors, spiral notebooks, printed coffee cups and guitars. If you don’t wanna shell out a lot more for a lefthanded guitar, you have to hold it upside down and restring it. Jimi Hendrix adapted and is even today one of the most iconic lefthanded guitar players. There’s Paul McCarthy but let’s face it, he’s no Jimi Hendrix.

My two favorite things are writing. I always have ink or pencil on my hand or smear the page. Because we write left to right my hand goes across what I just wrote. And the other is the barista coffee where they make you that fancy heart shape on the top of the cup with milk. Well not so pretty if you’re lefthanded. Instead of a pretty little heart you end up with what closely resembles a ball sac.

So people stop asking are you lefthanded. Take a minute and realize how adaptable we are and ask yourself could you function as well. And I guarantee, after reading this, you will notice every lefthanded person in movies or TV shows. You’re welcome.

And lefthanders, if you feel left out you can always move to West Virginia. They have a township called Left Hand. While it’s named after a nearby creek, we can still believe it’s a place for us.

Peace out fellow southpaws. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Damn I’m On A Roll Today So Let’s Talk Vaccines

I don’t care what anyone says, you will not change my mind, these vaccine protocols have a hidden agenda. No I don’t think you’ll be microchipped or tagged in some way but trust me, there is something else going on here.

I saw a news blip this weekend and I couldn’t believe what I heard. It’s not enough people have been terrified by the press into taking what I think is an unsafe vaccine, but the new trend is downright blackmail and will again cost taxpayers to again shell out unheard of increases in taxes.

Did you know the government is offering companies tax breaks if they can get employees to get the vaccines? And companies are responding. Here’s what you need to be asking. How much tax breaks or taxes do you write off for big companies like Walmart if they are offering employees $250 to get the vaccine? They have thousands of employees so if they can pay each of them $250, the tax breaks have to be insane amounts. We have our government paying out billions in stimulus checks, federally funding every unemployed person to the tune of $300 additional dollars per week and now billions in tax breaks to get people to take vaccines. Who do you think is going to make up all this extra money needed? HELLO, you as taxpayers. The government isn’t taking any pay cuts or cutting spending so the money has to come from somewhere.

Hell in NJ you can get a state paid for beer if you get a vaccine. In West Virginia the state will pay for a manicure/pedicure for you if you get a vaccine or a savings bond if you’re a teenager. NY and Illinois are offering paid concert tickets but only for those vaccinated. Maryland will pay all state employees $100 and hell, in Detroit you not only get a $50 gift card but they will send someone to drive you there and home.

Do you think you aren’t going to pay the price? They have to recoup these costs somehow. Been to a fast food place lately. The forced minimum wage of $13-15 an hour and across the board unemployment approval has them left trying to operate with virtually no staff. Grocery stores have gone to self checkouts because they can’t pay those wages or cashiers.

Please look around people. It’s just the start of governmental control. The more you need from them, the more they control you. When will you wake up? Will it be before or after your teenagers are waiting in line to pay $8 a gallon for gas, if they can even get it. Shortages are expected on nearly everything as truck drivers are also finding it easier to get that check than drive that truck. We are in crisis and we allowed our elected officials to put us here.

Peace out. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Take A Knee – I Tried To Ignore the Controversy

Not being a big football fan, Slightly doesn’t watch unless friends are over but I still hear about the controversy over the take a knee crap. I had hoped it was all over now but a marine veteran asked me about it this weekend. Since I had a strong opinion (imagine that), I thought I’d share it with you. Aren’t you lucky.

Here’s my view on this take a knee bullshit. Football is a national past time in America. Games have always started with the National Anthem. What is there to offend you about a flag? It denotes no race, no religion, no sexual preference. It stands for nothing other than the country you live in. It symbolizes the strength and unity of the USA. If you don’t like the flag that represents your country, there are many other countries you can move to. Maybe you’ll get lucky and pick another one that kills people who disrespect their country or flag.

These athletes think they are making a statement but they only think that because the NFL and society have told them they are something special. They’ve been told they are entitled to be worshipped and they are heroes because they can catch or throw a ball. Hell my dog throws his own ball then runs and gets it. Doesn’t that make him a bigger hero than those that can only do one or the other? And he doesn’t get paid shit.

You want to meet some heroes? I mean real people that deserve your respect and support. The ones that gave these asswipes the privilege to take a knee. Go to your local FVW, there’s once in every town. Go to restaurants, bars, grocery stores and see how many walk in that door wearing a marine, army or air force uniform. Better yet, go to your local cemetery and look at gravestones. Many cities even have military cemeteries so you won’t have to look far. Go look at the Vietnam wall. Those are the men and women that deserve to be called heroes. Many came home and were disrespected, spit on, cussed at and protested and we tell kids some jackass that can throw a ball is a hero. What bullshit are we teaching kids.

My question is – when did our idea of what a hero is include football? When did we tell football players you are something special. If they aren’t, they wouldn’t feel the need to “make a statement” as no one would give a shit what they thought. The NFL survives on people crazy enough to pay hundreds and even thousands of dollars to watch football. The NFL survives because advertisers pay millions to be seen on TV at the same time. Funny they have forgotten those people buying tickets are Americans. Those people seeing all those ads are Americans.

NFL owners should have stood up and stopped this bullshit. We are all entitled to an opinion. It’s what makes this country great, or it was great before Obama and Biden. Once a player puts on that uniform, he is an employee of whoever owns that team. That owner could have shut this down before it got crazy but they choose not to. Those owners and the NFL franchise could have stepped in and said have an opinion on your own time like every other employer in the world. But they chose not to. Why? Were they afraid the players would quit? Yeah tell them they have to stand and they’ll throw away that 5 million plus a year contract. Like that will happen. Were they afraid they would get some backlash. Hell, from who?

I’ve heard so many people say I won’t watch football again but the ratings are as high as ever. We as Americans have lost our pride and social outrage. We stand firm in our convictions until playoff games begin. Think there is nothing you can do? Think again.

Maybe the NFL doesn’t care but let’s be honest, it’s all a money game. If 1 out of every 10 Americans called, wrote or emailed those sponsors and advertisers and said you know what, as long as you sponsor football I won’t buy your product, you’d see things change in less than a week, guaranteed. If even 1 out of 100 said to Budweiser next time a sport you sponsor has a player take a knee, I’ll never buy your product again, you’d never hear another word about it.

Step up people and stop taking the shit that gets heaped on Americans. First it was football and taking a knee to protest our flag, then it was Nascar that said you can pay hundreds for season tickets but we’ll throw you out if you display a confederate battle flag anywhere. You’re told you have no right to your heritage. They went as far as to say if you don’t leave they’ll have you arrested for trespassing. Now Amazon blocks sellers and internet customers that don’t share their political opinion or support their same candidate. Coca Cola tells you be less white. WTF is that anyway?

Shit people, aren’t you fed up with all this bullshit? If you aren’t, reach out and and please tell me why. Slightly is damn sick and tired of being constantly told I should be ashamed to be American or that people deserve something based on color or get special treatment because you scream I’m gay. Basically, Slightly is just damn sick and tired period.

Peace out fellow protesters. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)