Where Do You Get These Ideas?

You know, we all have weird habits we adhere to even though we know they are unusual. We all likely have some habits that we don’t discuss in public. Social media has changed all that. People feel the need to talk about anything. That’s how I wandered onto the subject of butt hole bleaching. If you’re my age, you probably read that thinking it’s a typo but no, it’s a real thing. Bleaching your butt hole so it looks whiter. I honestly think this has to have started with the porn industry. We all know you you see a butt hole at least every 2 minutes in a porn film but do you really notice what color it is? If you did, does it really matter?

When I was a 20 something there was no internet so this may have been going on and we just never knew about it. With twitter, reddit (internet site for asking questions) and other social media, it’s now a public topic. What I have to wonder is does it really matter what color your ass hole is? Even if you’re into anal sex, is your partner having a close up inspection in advance and going oh, sorry can’t plunder there as the skin is just too dark for me? Instead of risking someone commenting over your butt hole color you can now wax then apply bleach to your actual hole. Call me old school but hmmmm, hell no. I personally have no idea what color my butthole is and my spouse has never commented on it but if they ever do, I think we have larger issues to discuss.

If you think this is weird, wait till you see the other ideas I ran across researching this. Assholes aren’t enough. Men are bleaching their scrotums. Yes their nut sacs. Women are bleaching their lips and nipples. And by lips I mean the ones below the waistline. If you’re not into home waxing or bleaching, you can get the latest spa treatment called a Vajacial. I bet you read it here first. The spa with gladly prop up your honey pot then clean it, wax it, reclean with an antibacterial solution then apply a mask and bleach your bum hole to make you all fresh and tidy. If you’re a waxer of the nether regions you can even get Vazazzles. What is that you ask? Well silly, it’s jewels women can glue on their freshly waxed biscuit. I think strippers need these.

If this isn’t enough to have you wondering what the hell is wrong with people, then you need to know about anal douching. I personally think this is likely very similar to butt chugging (see previously article). The thought process (so I’ve read) is to make you all clean and shiny for your next joystick meets cornhole adventure. You can even have a CDB anal douche which includes a suppository of CDB oil which works over a period of hours to release cannibas into your bunghole and relax it to make bum fun nicer for everyone involved.

I never thought of Slightly as a prude by any means. My life has ranged from normal to slightly weird to the downright bizarre but I have no desire to bleach balls, vaginas, nipples or my chocolate starfish but then again I’m not into anal douching either unless it’s with bourbon. That I might consider, but I’m undecided so far.

Let’s be honest. 90% of all this is a marketing campaign. They invented products that sell like crazy and the are designed to resolve problems you didn’t even know you had. I asked a couple of medical professionals and bottom line, good daily hygiene is all you need. Ladies your penis fly trap is self cleaning so a daily shower is all it takes. Stop shoving chemicals up there to solve a problem you don’t have. Have a smell you don’t like, I have heard Lume is amazing for that. Men your bratwurst and beans are the same. A daily shower is adequate. Here’s a hint I have heard though. If your willy is not the size you might want, try a little manscaping. Apparently trimming the weeds makes the tree look larger.

Peace out my semi-normal readers. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Sexual Confusion or Begging For Attention

When I was growing up we were taught don’t talk about sex, don’t have sex without being married and God forbid you were a woman as you were told not to enjoy sex unless you were some deviant or loose woman. Then we had the sexual revolution of the 60’s and 70’s and people decided they should be free to experiment, have causal sex and women weren’t embarrassed to say they enjoyed it as much as men. Women were now almost demanding orgasms as a civil right. I have to admit this also brought about the drugs that we now have a real problem with in this country although I can’t say the 2 are related.

But people enough already. I’m so sick of all the new “genders” and sexual preferences I have to hear about. Big Google article today is NY governor’s daughter comes out a “demi-sexual”. First I thought WTF is that then I thought wait, I don’t actually care. Sleep with who ever and what ever you want. Why is it a news story? Where is the news story on Joe Biden or Donald Trump – President sleeps with wife, news at 11:00? Why is it only news if you are behaving in an abnormal manner? And don’t even start the hate mail, it is abnormal. You can say you were born attracted to the same sex but you weren’t born attracted to both sexes, or wanting to be legally declared a female yet you have a penis so you can compete against women instead of men in sporting events. By the way, ever notice there aren’t women out there demanding to compete in men’s sports? Just saying.

It’s time to go back to a country with some morals and a society that understands that No you do not have a right to know everybody’s business. What you do in your bedroom belongs there – in your bedroom. Stop inventing sexual preference terms to explain your behavior. Just because you want to do something abnormal giving it a name won’t make it normal or legitimate. I’m not buying demi-sexual, co-sexual, bi-sexual, gender fluid, etc. If you sleep with the opposite sex you’re heterosexual, if you sleep with the same sex you’re homosexual, if you have a vagina you’re a woman and a penis you’re a man. Just because you give abnormal behavior a name doesn’t make it normal. You can’t sleep with a monkey, a dog or a sheep then call it normal because someone gives it a label. Please don’t tell me if there already is a name for it,

But here is my thought on it. If your sex life stayed in your bedroom where it belongs, you wouldn’t have to worry about any of this. I know you think it should be public knowledge but really, no one gives a crap where you dip your stick or who licks your wick except for the fact that we are forced to hear about it. Slightly passed the 50 year old mark a long time ago and I’ve never felt the need to discuss or God forbid advertise my relations with my spouse. It stays in my bedroom.

Peace out fellow gender solid Americans. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Personal Medical Discussions

It’s very rare Slightly goes to the store, but sometimes it can’t be avoided. I’m not anti-shopping but I am anti assholes so I avoid the masses in places like Wal-Mart whenever I can. With my schedule it is just easier to buy online or pull in, pick up and go. No, I am not one of those Covid crazies, I have used these methods long before Covid was ever “invented”.

However, occasionally there comes a time when I do have to stop at a store once or twice a year because I need something and forgot to order it. Thankfully it is very rare especially with all this mask bullshit. This weekend was one of those occasions where I had to stop. I tell you, it was almost worth the annoyance.

I walked into Dollar General because I forgot dog food and it allows me to avoid Wallyworld while I wait for the Chewy delivery. As I walked in the clerk stopped ringing up a customer and yelled across the store – “excuse me you need to wear a mask”. Condemn me if you must but Slightly hasn’t worn a mask since this insanity started except for one hotel visit so I casually said “medical exemption” and walked on. Now I saw she wanted to ask but quickly decided not to, but I only made it about 3 feet before a woman (I’m sure her name was Karen), walked up to me and said what medical condition do you have that you can’t wear a mask? Of course 3 others stopped to hear the conversation. Normally Slightly would just walk away and ignore the ignorant woman but it had been a long day of dealing with unhappy people so I just as casually said oh wow, do you have breast implants? Her mouth fell open. Before she could respond I asked the guy standing next to her if he was being treated for penil disfunction or ED. I’m not going to lie, for a split second I thought he was going to punch me. As the lady opened her mouth I quickly said oh and do you get UTI’s from sex? One person that had stopped to listen when she initially approached me nearly had a heart attack trying not to laugh while the other stood there with his mouth hanging open.

The man with her finally recovered himself enough to ask, and I quote “what the fuck is wrong with you”. So I said, I’m sorry I thought we were having a personal discussion on medical and health issues and I was just curious if you had trouble getting or keeping an erection, especially with the size of her boobs. I will say I am Slightly (lol) amazed I didn’t get beat up in Dollar General. I think if we had not had a handful of on lookers laughing themselves silly, I probably would have but then that is why Slightly is always armed and dangerous. As I walked away, I heard him tell the woman this is why you need to mind your own damn business. That was good for another laugh itself but I think Slightly better avoid stores till this crap is over.

So people, mind your own business. If you are afraid of getting Covid stay home, wear a mask, hide from society. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel safe but PLEASE stop bothering the rest of us.

Peace out fellow annoyed Americans. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

PS – have an idea for a blog post or want my opinion on a particular issue feel free to email me.

Driving Tips – Courtesy of Slightly

I’ve had to make a few trips this past week or so and it made me realize that most, if not all, drivers, need a refresher course. I have seen bad drivers, lazy drivers and drivers with no acknowledge of what’s legal and what isn’t, but I tell you people, we are in an age of just plain damn dumb, don’t give a shit drivers.

So after almost 50 years of driving and a rather large number of court mandated defensive driving classes, I feel capable of providing some excellent driving tips. So in order to aid the general public, I have put together a list of Slightly driving tips. NOTE: These are just tips and I am in no way responsible for bad driving or your part.

Tip 1 (the most important): Your vehicle is not a play toy. Don’t drive like it is. It is a 2,000 plus pound vehicle capable of causing mass destruction.

Tip 2: Don’t piss off the driver in front of you because as I stated, he’s in front of you. If I’m driving the posted speed or over, don’t fly up behind me (or anyone), hit your brakes and then proceed to ride my bumper or worse, flash your lights for me to move or go faster. If I was going to drive faster, I would have been driving faster when you reached me. Sitting on my bumper or flashing your headlights at me will more than likely result in you going even slower than the posted speed. This is extremely true at night. If you wanna turn on your brights and blind me in all my mirrors, I will likely feel the need to drive about 10-15 miles under the posted speed just to be cautious.

Tip 3: If you are 10 mph or more under the posted speed, MOVE. Pull off the road and let people by before you cause a huge backup of irate drivers. If you are 10 mph or more under the posted speed you are not a cautious driver, you a a hazard on the road. If you are uncomfortable driving 60 in a 60 mph area, take a different route, don’t piss everyone off by driving along at 45.

Tip 4: Take your foot off the damn brake. If you are not stopping, quit putting your foot on the brake every 30 seconds. If you’re slowing down, don’t start braking a mile before you get there. If you are so close to the car in front of you that you have to ride the brake, see tip #2 and back the hell up.

Tip 5: Merge lanes in construction areas. Don’t be that asshole that flies past everyone or purposely gets in the merge lane to get further ahead. Most drivers are like Slightly, if you pull that bullshit you will hit every cone on the road before I let you pull in front of me because you saw the same sign I did a mile ago.

Tip 6: Enough with slamming on brakes and/or slowing down to 5 miles an hour every time you see an officer on the side of the road. Stop being a gawker and mind your business before people are gawking at you. Unless you see a relatives car involved in that accident or a severed head laying in the road, drive on and mind your own damn business. Just remember, every traffic jamb starts with one asshole, don’t be that asshole.

Tip 7: Blinkers. Shut up. I know some smart ass reading this has a comment but let’s be honest. There is a reason they came on the car, free of charge. There is a reason the replacement bulbs only costs a few dollars. Unless it’s against some crazy religion of yours – USE THE FREAKING BLINKER. Well, unless you’re not turning or changing lanes. In that case, turn it off. Unless you’re deaf the radio is too loud if you can’t hear that annoying blinky noise as you drive along oblivious that you are pissing off everyone behind that doesn’t know if they should be prepared to stop or not.

Tip 8: Here are some quickies that should be self explanatory but apparently they aren’t: If you see reverse lights and walk behind a car. You are the idiot, not the guy driving. The on ramp is to allow you to get up to speed so you can merge with cars driving 70. Speed up, and stop causing problems. If you drive under the speed limit stop flipping off people who pass you. Again, you are the problem.

Tip 9: These come right after tip number 1. Pay attention when you are driving. Red lights mean stop, stop signs don’t mean slow down and roll through and PLEASE GET OFF YOUR PHONES. YOU DON’T NEED TO CHECK FACEBOOK OR EMAILS WHILE YOU ARE DRIVING.

Tip 10: My final tip is for parents. Monitor your kids driving. If you know they are in the car at certain times, ask to see the cell phone when they get home. Were there calls or texts made while you know they were driving? If so how about some discipline and restrict their future driving for a while.

I hope this helps some of you nut jobs currently on the road. I know you’re out there, I encounter you on a daily basis. If you know an idiot driver, feel free to share these tips.

Peace out fellow fed up drivers. Signed Slightly. (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Saving the Planet

Someone asked me recently about my car or SUV if you prefer the technical term. She wondered about my gas mileage and wasn’t I worried about saving the planet. When I said “hell no, in fact I want to die leaving the largest carbon footprint possible”, the look on her face was priceless. I mean MasterCard commercial priceless. She went on the usual rant of these climate change nutballs and told me all the reasons I need to be more responsible.

Does she mean more responsible like the politicians and business mogels that fly their private jets to the climate conferences each year? Or more responsible like the idiots that manufacture electric cars – you know the ones that are charged with diesel powered generators? Or those states that installed hundreds and hundreds of giant wind turbines to generate “clean energy”? Those same wind turbines that have non-biodegradable, non-recyclable blades that were designed for 20-25 year life span yet are replaced about every 10 years with better designs? Those same blades are currently overflowing landfills in many states. Funny if you do your research, you’ll find those same wind turbines have a life span of about 20 years and take about 15 years to pay for themselves. You know damn well someone in politics came up with these things. Talk about stupidity.

I’m told the average US citizen has a carbon footprint of about 16 tons in his lifetime. I personally would like to leave this world with one of about 42. After all, the answer to life and everything in it is 42. If you don’t know the that reference, you’ve missed reading an excellent book.

So to all those asking don’t you care about climate change, the answer is hell no. To all those that say what about your kids and grandkids. Well my kids are 40 and I’m almost positive the earth will outlive them. I do not have grandkids so I have no need to save the planet.

Just a word of advice – those of you that worry so much about saving the planet better get a lot more worried about getting right with Jesus, cause I’m sure you’ll see him a lot sooner than you’ll see all this climate change bullshit.

Peace out fellow air breathing, carbonites. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Dating Today

I see women today and I have to wonder what happened to your self-esteem, your self worth? They are dating and/or planning to marry men that have no job, no car and no prospects. What amazes me even more are the women that come over, pick your lazy ass up and drive you around. I have talked to women that meet men, date only a few months and are then supplementing that man’s income. Are you dumb? Every women deserves better than that. Grown men that need a momma are out there, beware.

Do men have no shame anymore? Are women so desperate to have “a man” that they accept one that can’t even support himself? Don’t get me wrong. While Slightly is old school and believes when dating a man should take you out, I do realize that times have changed. Women have moved into the work force and are financially independent. I see nothing wrong with them taking turns who pays or women occasionally paying, but if you’re on a first date and you asked her out, pay for the date or you’re a sorry bastard. If you suggest she share the bill I wouldn’t likely be planning what to do on your second date cause there won’t be one. If you can’t afford to buy her dinner, don’t ask her out. Remember the good old days of making a good first impression?

That being said, I need to talk to you 30 something men that haven’t grown up yet. You know who you are, the ones still spending every free moment playing video games. The ones that have an amazing women and she’s on the back shelf so you have time to devote to Call of Duty number 5 or even worse, you can’t find one dumb enough to date you. In case you aren’t aware, here are a couple of phrases you are never going to hear . . . .

Nothing is sexier than 30 year old man that plays video games

When I grow up I wanna marry a man addicted to video games.

If you are over 30 and living at home, you need to grow up, get a place of your own and a life. If you’re over 30, live at home and play video games daily, you’re chance of finding love and getting married must be like 2%. It will sound harsh and your mom probably doesn’t wanna say it, but grow your sorry ass up. Women don’t find it attractive, I know I have asked. Many kind of pity you and dude, when a women pities you the chance of getting her in the sheets is about ZERO.

If you don’t take my suggestion and leave video game playing to a hour once a week or just to tune out few minutes after work, do yourself a favor. Get an excellent job cause you’ll likely have to pay for sex most of your adult.

You’re welcome. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com).

Privilege versus Suffering!

I heard a group of younger people this weekend talking about white privilege. I have become so sick of that term that I had to ease drop a few minutes since I was waiting for someone.

This was a group of what I think were 20 something’s at a coffee shop and I was glad to see they were a group of young black men and one young man having a civil discussion about it. There were even 2 men obviously a couple in the group so they were a well defined, diverse group. They went on discussing it as apparently it was part of a class essay or project coming up. The white young man asked how do you define white privilege? It didn’t escape my attention that not one had much of a response, even him. They had those catch phrases that we’ve all heard and mean nothing. You get better things in life because you’re white. You make more money or get better apartments, treatment, because you’re white but no one had an actual example.

I had to really pay attention when one young black man in the group said bullshit. I turned to look and he quickly said it’s all bullshit by people that want an excuse to be lazy or not get an education. That was the past. He went on to say that maybe 20 years ago it was an issue but “nowadays in mainstream America, if you educate yourself, act professional and treat people with respect you get that back and jobs are there if you have the skills to get them regardless of color” and he didn’t want a job just because he was black. Wow a 20 something with a brain. I was shocked and admired him standing firm on his opinion although they got into a little bit of a heated debate.

I must have stared too long or not moved away soon enough because they noticed me. The one young man said hello and asked “can I ask your opinion?” Well in case you haven’t noticed, Slightly has an opinion on nearly everything so I said we’ll see, ask.

He said do you believe white privilege is a thing? I had to think a while and I said yes but in the past. I said growing up when I did there was a big issue. People were denied jobs based on color. People were denied an education, housing, even places to eat based on color. I said the sexual preference thing is different because in my day no one ever came out and declared to the general public I’m gay so that wasn’t a huge issue that I’m aware of. In my day gay or straight, who you slept with was a personal matter that people didn’t talk about. I said it was a time in our country that should be remembered because things forgotten can easily happen again. One of the young men said well white people will never understand our suffering. I had to point to him that all the suffering he wanted noticed for was suffering by his ancestors, by those that were slaves (black and white slaves like Irish children that were sold into servitude). He prospered now because they suffered then.

I stayed a bit and listened to them talk on but didn’t really weigh back in again till I was ready to head out. I thanked them for talking to an old fuddy duddy and not holding the past against everyone of my generation and as I was leaving I said one thing to remember. With a small exception, none of todays white youth are demanding special privilege. None of them are getting jobs based on color. Our black youth can’t keep screaming you don’t understand our suffering especially if you refuse to understand their privilege. They are living in the same generation you are. Just like you want treatment based on what happened to your ancestors, they don’t want shame or ridicule based on their ancestors.

I have to say not one said a word till the man that initially spoke to me then asked if they could use what I said in their project. Well you know Slightly loves being famous so of course I said yes. It was nice to listen to some of our youth that want nothing other than what they have worked for and earned. That is few and far between nowadays.

Peace out fellow ease droppers. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Why Isn’t There a Month For Everyone?

Some one told me yesterday it was “pride month”. WTH is pride month? Is it a time I’m supposed to be proud of something I did, something my kids did, work? Nope, apparently it’s a month long way to be proud of being gay like that is something special they accomplished.

Now let me preface this – Slightly could care less where you hide the salami or what sex you choose to bump uglies with, what color you are or who you call God. You have heard of the new term binary which means you identify as one sex or the other (or neither) depending on how you feel a particular day, well Slightly is the definition of binary. I have no sexual preference, I don’t see people based on color of skin, even myself and my God and I have a personal relationship already. With that said, why the hell do we have “pride month”? Have you done something exceptional? Have you made an extraordinary contribution to mankind? Have you accomplished something humanitarian and helped numerous others in the process? Help me out here.

You choose to have sex with, date or marry someone of your same sex. That’s no accomplishment. Hell I have been managing to date, marry and have sex with numerous people of the opposite sex for like 50+ years and I don’t feel that’s anything to be proud about. I’m not throwing parades and demanding media coverage to celebrate it. It’s just as aspect of life. Now had I married one of them for like 50 years or something that would be an accomplishment, especially since Slightly can barely stand to talk to the same person for minutes 50 minutes let alone 50 years. That’s like close to a life sentence in my book. But I digress.

First we had black history month. Now it’s pride month and Juneteenth. Seems like all this call for equality is a load of bullshit. You don’t want equality. You want privilege. You want to be celebrated or given certain rights based on your color, sexual preference, religion, etc. and you want it to the exclusion of white, straight Americans.

Take black history month. It was started to celebrate black Americans that made many significant accomplishments to our society and culture and there are so many that did and are doing amazing things. Let’s just suppose if you will, we stop and think about white history month. Oh wait we can’t have that because it would be racist. By the way, if you hate or dislike white people I was told by law enforcement officers and a politician that it is not considered racist. Same as black entertainment TV or black entertainer awards. If I said I’m starting a television channel that would only allow shows with an all white cast or I’m having an award show for actors but only white actors are going to be featured, I know at least half of America would be in my front yard with a noose screaming racist.

Let’s picture I’m going to plan a month long celebration with parades, concerts and all kind of events but only heterosexual (is that still a word) people are allowed. Every event will be designed to celebrate only those that choose to sleep with the opposite sex. Within 24 hours of the announcement hundreds of nuts will be in my yard waving rainbow flags. This is why you don’t know where Slightly lives. Juneteenth celebrates the freedom of the last slaves known in Texas. While that’s amazing it is now just being touted as a paid federal holiday yet it doesn’t pertain to anyone other than people who were once slaves.

So if you’re black, gay, bi-sexual, transsexual or whatever all the new politically correct names are, stop screaming you want equal rights. If you have the balls to stand out there demanding to be noticed, then do it with some self respect and admit, you don’t want equality, you want special treatment, or to use the term you all love so much, you are demanding privilege. You want to be treated like you’re owed something or you’re special based on sexual, color, etc. Call it for what it is. And by the way if you start that new award based on color, religion, etc. make sure to nominate Slightly on his amazing blog writing but first you’ll have to figure out what race, sexual preference etc. that Slightly falls into and I think if you did it would amaze you.

Peace out fellow FED UP Americans. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

Television Sucks

Ever notice that what you watch on TV is ever so slightly changing? Ever notice the small differences that I have no doubt are supposed to be subtle?

First it was interracial couples and families in movies and commercials. No issue. Marry who you like and stop worrying about the color of people’s skin. However, the new trend is along the same lines as my last blog. The whole gay, gender issue.

First it was 2 men drinking wine on the sofa talking about furniture and you assumed they were a couple. Subtle, yes. Now it’s in every other commercial. In 2019 companies pulled commercials and sometimes even shows with gay couples kissing but now it’s mainstream. I’m not talking about the commercials aimed at accepting gay relationships or commercials aimed at gay lifestyles. I’m talking about the ones that are for every day products but now use gay couples to depict family life so you see it as normal.

Campbell’s soup depicts 2 men raising their son. Cottonelle has a man worrying about whether his ass is clean enough to meet his partners parents. Coca Cola has a brother and sister both trying to get the gardener to notice them. Colgate uses it in a slogan of Smile with Pride. So wait, do gay people get whiter smiles than I do?

I want to go back to the days where the commercial was about getting me to buy something, not accept a lifestyle. I remember when all Campbells cared about was telling me that soup would warm me up enough to melt a snowman or when Coca Cola wanted to teach the world to sing. Back when Colgate only cared about tooth decay not gay pride smiles.

Last week I saw the newest Maybelline commercial. Yes I know what Maybelline is. They’ve sold cosmetics for a century and I don’t live in a cave. The new commercial has the usual women looking beautiful and ends with a young man in full beard who I assume is supposed to be wearing Maybelline.

It’s just one more way of trying to convince our newest generation something is natural. It may be why marriage is on the decline. Why so many women are choosing to live alone or raise children on their own. We have lost our sense of what makes men, men. You remember rugged Mr. Clean or Old Spice saying it’s what your man could smell like. The Gordon’s Fisherman or the man in the Camel commercials. They looked like you wanted your man to look like. Heck even Brawny put a manly man on your paper towels. I grew up wanting to be the Marlboro man.

Those days are gone. Now your man will carry a purse, smell better than you do and God forbid if you meet the just the the kind of right man, he may wanna borrow your shoes or panties.

This may be why Slightly doesn’t even have cable TV. We need to get back to the old days when men is suits sat around smoke filled offices (ok maybe leave out the cigarette smoke) and banged out ad campaigns. Yes I love that show Mad Men.

Peace out fellow manly men. Signed Slightly (signedslightly@gmail.com)

This World Has Gone Completely to Shit

Let me preface this with I don’t care who, what or where you stick your dick or who or what licks your crotch, but telling me I have to accept it as natural behavior is never gonna happen. You were born with a penis or a vagina, period (no pun intended, I think).

If you have a penis and wanna hump men or have a vagina and wanna smack uglies with women, have at it. I am not homophobic or whatever the new term is, but will you convenience me it’s natural? Nope, no use trying. You want to claim you were born loving the same sex and maybe so. It’s not my place to judge you or decide if it’s morally correct or not. Hash that out with God when you get there. If you’re one of those people that are never gonna be on that side come judgement day anyway, then I guess it won’t matter either way.

Here is where I think it’s all nuts. If I accept your theory that you were born attracted to the same sex, it all falls apart. Cause now you’ll need to explain to me how it went so shitty after that. We have so many new terms but my favorite is non-binary. These people can “identify” as male, female, fluid (whatever that means) or neither. How the hell do you decide you are neither male or female? The newest thing now is signing your gender pronoun on your signature (he/him) so people know to address you as a man. Here’s the clicker, it still doesn’t tell you shit as I could be a women that prefers to be a man.

You can prefer to be whatever you want, but you are what the good Lord made you, nothing else. If you have a trouser snake and some swamp nuts and wanna wear a dress, a thong, and lipstick do it. Grab that sexy sequined cocktail dress, slap on that lipstick, paint your nails and show people how fabulous you are. If you have a beaver, a snapper, a punani or whatever word you like and want to wear pants, a hat, some Old Spice cologne, then why not. Make yourself look how you want. How you feel comfortable. Cause as much as you’ll hate to hear this, NO ONE GIVES A RAT’S ASS. NO ONE CARES HOW YOU LOOK. People are laughing because of how you act and the stupid shit you say, not how you dress.

But enough of the gender fluid, the gender non-binary, the questioning. You don’t want equality, you want special rights. You want to demand people look at you and say hey that’s natural but it’s not. But what it is, is how you choose to live. I am not a gay basher, I have gay and straight friends. In fact I have a friend I’ve known since high school and never knew she was gay. She isn’t in my face screaming I’m queer and you have to tell me it’s normal. She lives her life how she wants. Heck I even have a friend that was a man and is now a post surgery woman. He isn’t demanding anyone like it, he’s just living how he wants. You want to be treated as equal, then act equal. I am a lot older than most of you will ever guess and I have never felt the need to discuss my sexual preference with friends. I don’t have any that have demanded to know what sex I am or what sex I like to boink.

That my dear gay, bi-sexual, fluid, non-bianary people, it where you encounter so much backlash. You want to demand people look at you and say hey that’s natural but sorry it’s not and you can’t demand I accept it as so. Stop caring what I or anyone thinks. Live how you want.

You only go around once and if you do it right it’s, enough. Homosexual behavior and cross dressing has been around far longer than anyone reading this. You haven’t invented anything new you just wanna yell more about it. In fact, if you stopped talking about your sexual preference all the time it would likely never come up as an issue. Worried someone won’t hire you cause you’re gay well don’t discuss your sex life at work. Worried someone won’t rent you an apartment cause you’re non-binary, well again don’t discuss your sex life with strangers. In all my years not one employer, landlord, mortgage company, bank, etc. has ever asked “so Slightly, exactly what sex do you prefer to hump” or “hey Slightly, what gender are you”. And not once have I ever walked it and shouted it out and demanded they acknowledge it as normal. When I was young people didn’t walk around discussing their personal lives in public and that’s how it should be. It’s your business, don’t make it mine.

Damn, while writing this I realize I have thought up an entirely new gender. Do you know you could be a gay lesbian man? Think it through. If you were born a man but identify as a female and you’re bi-sexual so you date both men and women you can now sign your name as John Doe, Gay Lesbian Man. You’re welcome.

Peace out fellow gender specific Americans. And bring on the hate mail if you like.

Signed Slightly (him/her/canine/feline) – Signedslightly@gmail.com